The Albuquerque International Sunport is a pretty nice airport, and even has free wireless Internet. Unfortunately, it is located in Albuquerque, the name of which translates roughly to “Middle of Absolutely Nowhere” in an ancient Native American tongue. The stupidity of the name “Sunport” is merely incidental, and is not affected by the Law.
Dicking that trickles down to you from one or more layers above you in the organizational chart or chain of command. Commonly occurs in large, bureaucratic organizations. For instance, your bosses’ boss directs him or her to do something asinine, which results in you doing something even more senseless.
Unsuspected delicious baked goods (preferably containing chocolate). Unsolicited cookies may be given with either good or malicious intent (the key is that the recipient does not expect them). Beware of lawsuits.
Web browser state objects saved to your drive from third party sites (such as advertising agencies). These unsolicited cookies are definitely not delicious.
A polite but content-free response to any statement in IRC/IM/e-mail intended to be humorous, clever, or amusing. Saying “heh” does not carry any connotation of whether the responder considers said statement to actually be humorous, clever, or amusing.
If you find yourself thinking “I think that waitress really likes me”, see rule #1. This rule also applies to strippers, but what are you doing at a strip club anyway.
If you are at Hooters, see rule #1. Also, try the buffalo chicken.
Actually, it’s still a free country, so hit on whoever you want. Just remember that with a customer/server dynamic, it’s not all that easy to tell the difference between someone who is good at her job, from someone who wants to be hit on.
Conservation of energy. Cats sleep almost all the time, which conserves their energy for important tasks (such as getting in the way of your work).
Catropy of a closed system will increase. The entropy in your life due to cats (catropy) tends to increase over time. This is because you gradually give up and realize that the cat is the one who is in charge.
It is impossible to cause a cat to lose balance by any finite process. Cats are commonly believed to flip themselves around in mid-air to land on their feet, however this is a physical impossibility. In actuality, the cat simply adjusts the universe so that the direction it is facing becomes “down”.
The IOC is the worldwide organization that determines the simplest, most straightforward way to market products and present information, and then enforces the exact opposite. Past IOC mandates have included the following:
Number of hotdogs in a package shall not equal number of hotdog buns in a package.
Pillows of different sizes must be presented without a size distinction where possible; under no circumstances shall a size indication be attached or imprinted onto the pillow itself.
New television shows with high ratings shall have their timeslots changed a minimum of twice per month during the first 3 months of the season.
Daylight Savings Time.
Gasoline gallon prices shall not have an integral number of cents.
Computer error dialogs are required to give as little information as possible. Error messages should cause the user to believe they are at fault, and possibly facing legal action (e.g. “Illegal operation in excel.exe”).
A measurement of how hard it is to change the temperature of an object or a substance. In scientific circles, this would be known as “specific heat,” which totally doesn’t sound like what it means. A bowl of nacho cheese could be said to have a massive thermal mass.