The thrill of the hunt
It’s summer in North America. And with the summer heat we see the emergence of several species that had been hibernating during the long cold months. Of these warm-weather animals, surely one of the strangest and most fascinating to behold is that perennial prey of American children– the ice-cream truck.
Ice-cream trucks (conglacio cremor plaustrum) are indigenous to North America and can often be seen during daylight hours slowly meandering through the streets of cities and suburbs. Their melodious song is thought to play a role in territorial marking. One truck will patrol its home territory, emitting a distinctly identifiable tune that warns other trucks to keep away. It is extremely rare for two trucks to meet; this event has never even been captured on camera. Speculation varies as to how territorial conflicts are resolved. One theory is that the horizontal bar-shaped protuberances found on both the front and hind quarters may be used for sparring with competitors.
The ice-cream truck is a remarkable creature, exhibiting some behaviors not found anywhere else in nature. Like many prey animals, an ice-cream truck will become perfectly still when it senses a predator approaching, in an instinctive attempt to camouflage with its surrounding environment. Indeed, it bears a striking resemblance to several other inhabitants of the street, most notably the “mail truck”. However, over time this simple instinct has evolved into an astonishing symbiosis between predator and erstwhile prey.
Human children living in an ice-cream truck’s territory often form ad-hoc hunting groups and work together to chase a single truck to ground. But rather than hiding or fleeing, the truck has evolved bright alluring plumage along its flank that serves to distract the predators from their normal killing instinct. While the hunters are stunned, the ice-cream truck will secrete a cold and sweet-tasting substance known as “ice-cream” (which is, of course, the origin of the species’ name). The predators, overheated from the chase, will generally choose to consume the ice-cream, entirely ignoring the truck itself as a potential prey item.
During the exchange of ice-cream, there can also be observed the transference of small objects known as “currency” from the children to the truck. While it is unclear exactly what role this transfer plays, it seems that currency is a substance required by the ice-cream truck’s biology.
Parents often attempt to dissuade their cubs from hunting the trucks, because they have perfectly good ice-cream available at home already. However, the natural chase instinct of the children and the alluring call and bright plumage of the ice-cream trucks usually override this influence.
The fragile symbiosis enjoyed by ice-cream trucks and children may be jeopardized by several disturbing trends. In recent years, many human children have turned to a form of simulated hunting experience known as “video games”, and no longer hearken to the call of the roving trucks. Additionally, a localized over-abundance of other food sources has led many children to become overweight and thus incapable of chasing down their coveted prey.
Ice-cream trucks remain a favorite subject of nature enthusiasts to this day. As both the truck-watchers and children will tell you, ice-cream always tastes better when it’s chased.
A distant cousin of the ice-cream truck is the Schwanns truck (Cycneus plaustrum). This species seems to target adults, secreting various forms of ice cream and other tasty frozen items in exchange for much larger quantities of previously mentioned “currency”. The Schwanns truck variety does not emit a regular mating call or song, but they do mark their territories quite strongly. The only known locations where they congregate are the nesting sites to which they return nightly, like bats to a cave.
Studies of the ice cream truck are a slight few and therefore little is known about them to date. But, in a recent archaeologist dig in Nevada, an ancestor of the glorious ice-cream truck has been found. Scientists have named it, “Carvel Shoppe”. In the past Carvel Shoppe was only a whisper among the few daring enough to speak its name, but with the discovery archaeologists are hoping to find more information on both Carvel and the ice-cream truck.
*prowls around looking for an ice cream truck*
OK GUYS THIS IS BIG ITS A CONSPIRACY BETWEEN THE ICECREAM MANS AND THE ICECREAM SUPPLIERS THEY DON’T WANT US TO GET ANY ICECREAM! ONE TIME I WAS AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE AND I WENT TOTHE TRUCK TO GET SOME AND IT DROVE AWAY VERYY FAST LIKE. THEN I WAITED AND WAITED AND THE TRUCK NEVER CAME BACK. I BET HE THOUGHTHE WAS PRETTY FUNNY BUT HE WASN’T!ANYWAYS THAT WAS 10 YEARS AGO AND NOW I AM AFRAID OF ICE CREAM MEN THEY ARE CREEPY, THEY ARE EVILLL. I SAY WE ALL WORK TOGETHER AND PLAN A NATION WIDE ICE-CREAM MAN AMUBUSH TO GET THEM ALL GOOD. WHO IS WITH ME? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
X]
It is rarely a sight anymore in these parts.
But I will always remember those trucks….in the mist.
Yea… I never had these “ice-cream trucks” go buy.
I guess my sister got her prey, so I never got a chance to chase it.
This one kid played guitar and he was so talented he didn’t care what style he played , or if anybody liked it.
One day the ice cream truck went past and this kid jumped up and grabbed his electric guitar and started improvising along with the ice cream truck song, , it was totally awesome,to hear the same notes, played with a hard rock – metal crunch on the guitar.
We all laughed the rest of the day, and I think we all sort of “grew up” a little.
After that,when the other kids would ask for my “peer group identity style of music” I would sometimes say, I liked the ice cream truck song.
I used to be an ice cream truck man, and I’m prooouud of it.
So the ice cream truck is indigenous to North America? That would explain the uncharacteristic behaviour of the Australian ice cream truck (conglacio cremor plaustrum Australianus).
This particular species seems to value the currency-icecream exchange no longer. Travelling up and down streets at an unchaseable speed, it comes to rest lazily on a crowded beach.
Such a backwards step in icecream truck evolution has given rise to the Home Icecream truck. The camel of the icecream truck world, its icecream is delivered in larger, packaged doses in a more orderly manner, preventing any stampede-related damage on its fortnightly roam.
I am going to class this observation of the icecream truck world as biology study.