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The Law of Inverse Airport Quality

Filed under: — ardvaark @ 5:40 pm

The Law of Inverse Airport Quality states that the niceness of any airport is inversely proportional to the niceness of the city (or cities) that it services.


  • The Detroit Metropolitan Airport is absolutely gorgeous. Detroit is an utter wreck.
  • The Albuquerque International Sunport is a pretty nice airport, and even has free wireless Internet. Unfortunately, it is located in Albuquerque, the name of which translates roughly to “Middle of Absolutely Nowhere” in an ancient Native American tongue. The stupidity of the name “Sunport” is merely incidental, and is not affected by the Law.
  • Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport and Midway International Airport are both crowded, busy, and dumpy. The city itself is tons of fun and full of culture and excitement. The only nice airport in Chicago, Meigs Field, was demolished in 2003 – thus proving that deviations from the Law are only temporary.

4 responses to “The Law of Inverse Airport Quality”

  1. Greg says:

    If you were making an airport to service Absolutely Nowhere, wouldn’t it make sense to centrally locate it?

  2. Ardvaark says:

    Certainly. However, that is also what makes it so crappy: You are the maximal distance from anyplace at all.

  3. Braden says:

    Pittsburgh Airport is a beauty…especially when considering the wreck of town,Pittsburgh is

  4. Jonboy says:

    Total truth about Detroit’s airport. Sleek, streamlined, clean, and teeming with awesome Asians.

    The Law also applies in the median: Ft. Lauderdale International Airport is basically functional, but is otherwise rather bland, pretty much just like Ft. Lauderdale. However, the law seems only to apply to American airports. Kansai International in Osaka is a rockin’ port, and Osaka is a rockin’ city. Conversely, Beirut International is a fucking wreck, just like Beirut. Though I suppose there is a legitimate explanation for that.

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