Lifehack, that vile source of productivity-enhancing, get-off-your-duff-and-Get-Stuff-Done nuggets, has finally figured out the Power of Procrastination.

I give you Seven Ways to Procrastinate for Better Results. Which we would have written here, but, well, you know…

The Law of Inverse Airport Quality states that the niceness of any airport is inversely proportional to the niceness of the city (or cities) that it services.

Examples:

• The Detroit Metropolitan Airport is absolutely gorgeous. Detroit is an utter wreck.
• The Albuquerque International Sunport is a pretty nice airport, and even has free wireless Internet. Unfortunately, it is located in Albuquerque, the name of which translates roughly to “Middle of Absolutely Nowhere” in an ancient Native American tongue. The stupidity of the name “Sunport” is merely incidental, and is not affected by the Law.
• Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport and Midway International Airport are both crowded, busy, and dumpy. The city itself is tons of fun and full of culture and excitement. The only nice airport in Chicago, Meigs Field, was demolished in 2003 – thus proving that deviations from the Law are only temporary.

It’s true! Haven’t you ever been behind some old granny on the expressway, anxious and angry to somehow pass them because they had the audacity to be driving the speed limit? Have you ever violently jerked into the next lane to get around them? Did you feel bad for hitting that small animal, whatever it was?

Okay, so maybe that’s just me.

Regardless, when you get some too-clever people who want to make that very point, you end up with a Meditation on the Speed Limit.

Simply awesome.

There’s nothing in the world like a good peanut joke. Unless you’re this girl. But you’re not. So, right. Peanut joke.

Two peanuts were walking down the street.

One was assaulted.

Whenever I hear a really terrible pun, I am forced to share it with the rest of the world. It’s an unnatural compulsion, somewhat akin, I think, to the funniest joke in the world. In fact, I will spend a sum total of several hours out of my day telling this joke to various poor slobs.

It is in the spirit of wasting just a little bit more of both my time and yours that I give you today’s joke:

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was intense.

I’m sorry, but this is just too good to pass up.

A small pond in Hamburg, Germany that is normally home to a bunch of toads and crows has suddenly unleashed a disgusting fury. It seems that nearly 1,000 of the amphibious residents have puffed up like a balloon and exploded.

…

What more is there to say?

One of my favorite, stupid things to do when I’m in Best Buy is to take the demo video cameras and point them at the television on which they are broadcasting. You know the drill – you get an infinitely decreasing collection of images of the television. Now take that idea, move it to the world wide web, and liberally apply some old-fashioned Felis silvestris domesticus, and voil?!

I give you The Infinite Cat Project. You can start with the first feline, Frankie, and using the “Next Cat” button, click your way through almost 700 other cute kitties captured in silent contemplation of Frankie and his flower in a glorious reductionist chain.

The person responsible for this Internet masterpiece is obviously a genius.

This is a warning to all those trying to avoid jury duty: Don’t. It seems that Supreme Court Justice is trying to make you look like a bad person. And really, can you blame him?

One of my favorite ways to avoid doing meaningful work is to watch an episode of Stargate: SG-1 on the TiVo. What can be better than watching O’Neil, Carter, and the crew combat nasty space snakes with glowing eyes?

How about an SG-1 video game! I just discovered the Stargate SG-1: The Alliance site, and I can’t wait to play it. The screenshot of the gate room looks really cool, although they didn’t show the gate.

I like how they just sort of randomly put a colon into the various Stargate franchise names wherever they feel like it.